The last will and testament of the human race

Take note that this is the Last Will and Testament of the Human Race, dated 11.15.76339742 UGD, given freely and without duress by our nominated leaders under Galactic Law DK1-MBP-159Ka.

We, the last remaining representatives of the Human Race, having been certified Category J Sentient and therefore of sufficiently sound mind to express a preference for the disposal of our remaining worlds and worldly goods, do hereby bequeath our assets as follows:

Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars and their satellites, and the Asteroid Belt extending beyond Mars towards Jupiter: we hand these properties to the Martians. We’re sorry we did not recognize your life forms as sentient beings until we had rendered your home world almost completely uninhabitable. Although it is no excuse, we…